There’s a very nice cafe just along from the dentists. I thought I’d have a cup of tea whilst I write this in the vain hope it will take my mind off the fact that in 53 minutes I’ll be two doors down with my heart in my boots.

I tell myself again and again that my fear of going to the dentist is totally irrational, but where else does someone ask you where you’re going on holiday whilst jabbing a needle deep into your gum? Actually our dentist in Bath is delightful, he was born in Keighley so of course he’s lovely, he takes pleasure in the fact I’m terrified and by making fun of my fear we both end up laughing and the visit ends up being no where near as bad as think it will be.

Of course seeing the dentist is a walk in the park compared to the hygienist. For a short time they employed a woman who was Beelzebub incarnate, both Muddy and I left our respective appointments convinced our teeth were on the verge of falling out and it was all our fault because we were miserable failures toothbrush wise. The current hygienist is very nice… for someone who chooses to make a living scraping unpleasant substances from teeth and poking your gums till they bleed. She’s like a primary school teacher in fact after my last session I got a very well done and a big gold star.

Of course I appreciate if we didn’t have dentists and hygienists we’d be in a very sorry state but despite doing my best to put into action the things they tell me to do, daily flossing, electric toothbrush yada yada, I only have to look at a boiled sweet to need a filling.

Which is what happened just after Xmas so here I am. Now I’m suddenly remembering what I had for dinner last night. As kale is back in fashion we’ve been eating it like its going out of er fashion. Steamed kale with tons of raw chopped garlic and lemon juice being a particular favourite. Poor Mr M, I’m sure he will instantly regret uttering those immortal words “open wide”.

I suppose if there’s one plus point – it’s the anaesthetic. I always leave in a party like state of mind like I’ve had at least bottle and a half of wine.