Clare Teal

After last week’s broadband rant, I feel it only fair to thank the lovely telecommunications engineer who came out between the hours of 8am and 1pm to fix the fault on the line.  He was a very nice chap who sorted the problem calmly and efficiently.  BUT NOW we’re having problems with Royal Mai…sorry the national delivery service that rhymes with Boiled Whale.

Three months ago we finally noticed that yet again the volume of mail from our PO Box had come to a shuddering halt.  Megan – opener of brown envelopes and general finance rang them to ascertain what the problem was and to make sure our account hadn’t been cancelled again.  Boiled Whale were utterly oblivious and promised to ring the Bath office immediately. 

Another month passed, Megan enquired as to whether we’d received the card she sent.  We hadn’t.  “Yes hello it’s still no mail here, did you ring the Bath office?” “Yes madam we did, they told us your account had been cancelled.” “So of course you told them that it shouldn’t have been cancelled and reinstated it there and then.” “Er…no madam we didn’t, we assumed you must have rung the Bath office to cancel your account.”  “But there is no direct number for the Bath office available to the public anymore is there?” “Er… no (long pause) I’ll ring them back now and sort it out.”

December came but Megan’s Christmas card didn’t and venues were ringing to say their contracts had been returned address un-known.  Hell hath no fury like a Megan scorned. “Now listen you - its still no mail here again…again.  Please tell me you rang the Bath office and everything is sorted?” “Yes madam we did ring the Bath office they told us your account had been cancelled as requested.  Is there anything else I can help you with?”

You have to laugh.  Which leads me on to the postie’s silent knock.  I’ve been in all day, I check the post around 3pm only to find a ‘sorry we missed you’ card waiting for me on the mat.  “We did knock on the door madam.” “But I live four flights above the front door. I didn’t hear you.  Why didn’t you ring the bell?” “??????” So if you’re a fan of knock knock ginger then get yourself down to boiled whale – they’ll pay you to play all day.